Siblings and Babies

A common question when bringing a new baby into the home is, “Are any of the other children jealous?”

Thankfully, I have always been able to say no!  We have brought six babies home since our first, and we have never had any negative reactions. 

When we brought Tank home a couple months ago, Twinkle (22 months old) was a little unsure of him.  She kissed and ‘held’ him, but we could see in her face that she didn’t quite know what to think of the little guy.  However, after just a few days, Twinkle was all smiles for Tank and loved to help Mom take care of him. 

That is the worst reaction we’ve ever had!  I feel bad to hear parents talk about the aggression and jealousy their older children exhibit.  I certainly can’t presume to know exactly why some kids act out while others don’t since all children react differently to different things.

Let’s just be honest.  For us, having babies is a ‘normal’ event!  I believe there’s a balance between fostering excitement over the upcoming arrival and living your normal life, acting as though a new baby is a natural part of your family’s life.

I’ve never banned my children from being near the new baby.  I try to use “yes” statements ('”be gentle,” “use a soft voice,” “touch his arms and legs”) rather than “no” statements (“don’t grab,” “stop yelling by his ear",” “don’t poke him in the eye”).  Of course, all of the above have happened many times- the words and actions!

As the baby grows and gains more muscle control (mainly of his head!), I try to allow the older siblings to carry him around as much as possible.  Obviously, you must use some discretion here and err on the side of caution!  My three-year-olds are not allowed to hold Tank without some help, but my five-year-old is perfectly capable of picking him up safely and loving on him for a few minutes!  I believe this helps to foster a bond that would be difficult to attain if they were never allowed to touch him!

While our routines may be thrown off for a while, and everyone needs to pitch in to keep things running, we also try to remember that the world does not revolve around the new baby.  Life still goes on for all of us.  My older children are still just as important as they ever were.  They get just as many hugs and kisses (and probably more!).  We try to talk with them as much as usual!

Most importantly, though, is that I hope we’ve encouraged the belief that every new baby is a gift to our entire family.  He is special, and it’s our special opportunity to care for him.  I try to never ‘blame the baby’ for aches and pains during pregnancy or for my lack of sleep during those early months.  A baby is only ever a good thing!

I see the love my children have for their new brother in different ways. 

Twinkle gets upset if anyone else gets Tank’s diapers because she has claimed that as her job!

Minion 1 and Minion 2 want to kiss him constantly, and they laugh at nearly everything he does.  In fact, they think his cry is hilarious!  Okay, that may actually be a little disturbing!

Sweetheart Girl is a little mother in every way and delights in being allowed to do anything with or for Tank.

I love to hear McAwesome talk to him in a sweet ‘babytalk.’  He has always been so patient with all of our babies.

Finally, a conversation with Hero this morning is what prompted me to write this in the first place.

We caught a little clip of 19 Kids and Counting this morning.  Hero asked, "Are they godly?"  I told him yes, they are devoted Christians.  Then he said, "Oh, no wonder God has blessed them so much with so many kids!"

I'm glad he gets it :)

Peace, Be Still

Mark 4:35-40  And the same day, when the even was come, he saith unto them, Let us pass over unto the other side.  And when they had sent away the multitude, they took him even as he was in the ship. And there were also with him other little ships.  And there arose a great storm of wind, and the waves beat into the ship, so that it was now full.  And he was in the hinder part of the ship, asleep on a pillow: and they awake him, and say unto him, Master, carest thou not that we perish?  And he arose, and rebuked the wind, and said unto the sea, Peace, be still. And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm.  And he said unto them, Why are ye so fearful? how is it that ye have no faith?

This was the main text of a session that I recently attended at Spiritual Leadership Conference at Lancaster Baptist Church.  The topic was surviving the storms of life, and, as usual, I was reading the notes ahead while I waited for the class to start.  As I read this very familiar passage, something stood out to me that I had never seen before.

Jesus calmed the storm before He taught his disciples a lesson. 

No kidding, huh?!

But I believe God was teaching me a little parenting lesson at that moment.  As you can guess, with six young children in the house, there is no shortage of storms in our home.  Someone hurt, something broken, etc. and the kids are frantic.  I realized that far too often, I am trying to scold and/or teach while in the midst of the storm.  And, big surprise, that’s when my volume level rises!  Soon I’m nearly as frantic as the kids, and when everything finally does calm down, I have to repeat everything I just said because no one could focus before!

Maybe this is overly simple, but I’ve been trying to watch myself very carefully these past few weeks.  And I’m making a point to be very quiet, soothing when necessary, until the storm has calmed.  Then we can all focus on what needs to be said.

After all, God speaks to His children so often in that still, small voice.  Why shouldn’t I strive to do the same?

Successful Outings with a Large Family- Part One

Wow!  Are they ALL yours?

Boy, are your hands are full.

I don’t know how you do it- I never could!

At least they’re so well-behaved; You’re sooo lucky!!!

We got the stares occasionally when there were only 3 kids.  After that, we had the twins (and everyone finds twins fascinating), so we were stopped regularly with 5 children in tow.  But now there are SIX!  Now, I mentally prepare myself for the craning-necks, the bulging-eyes, and the extra ten minutes devoted to talking to folks about our family when we make an outing.

Ready for the truth?…I love it! 

We’ve all seen ahem…heard the other families in the store.  You know, the screaming children, the screaming parents, the whining children, the placating parents.  Normally, you see that occur with families of 1-3 kids.  Can you imagine if you had 6 children?  Absolute madness!  Now, I understand all kids have their bad moments, but you can tell the difference between bad moments and bad parenting when you walk all the way around the store, meet up with that family again 30 minutes later, and the kids are still screaming!

A large family cannot afford to have that kind of chaos going on.  Not only will we be unable to accomplish anything, we will be displaying a horrible example, and we will open ourselves up to all sorts of comments and judgments that ought not be said of us.  Believe me, carting 6 kids around opens us up to enough comments already- we don’t need to give them more fuel for the fire!  I’ve learned a few things by now that help us to have successful outings.  For me that means no whining, crying, or yelling…on my part :)

I’m going to assume that proper training is going on at home, so I’ll be mentioning practical things that have to do with the outings themselves.  Since most people feel free to make comments about my family, the types of comments I receive are good indicators of how the trip went.

Only once have I gotten a truly rude, ‘it’s none of your business, buddy’-type of comment.  I find that most people are genuinely fascinated and curious, would like to make conversation, and don’t even realize that they sometime make comments that could be considered rude, nosy, or offensive.  I mean, let’s face it- large families are not the norm, and people don’t even remember the days that they were the norm.

While I find the ‘large family comebacks’ that you can find on the internet hilarious (if you have a large family, you’ve read them!), I would never actually say any of those things.  The above comments are the most common I get, and they are perfectly fine with me. I believe a merry heart and a friendly countenance go a long way.  After all, strangers can only go by what they see, (since I’m not likely to take any of them home with me), and I discovered a while ago, that if I look like a tired, haggard mom of six, unruly children, I will be looked upon and treated like a tired, haggard mom of six, unruly children.

Tip Number One for a Successful Large Family Outing:

APPEARANCES MATTER

When I am preparing to take the kids out, I prepare myself, as well.  This means I am wearing nice clothes, my hair is brushed neatly, and I at least have mascara on.  I don’t wear my ‘it’s seen better days so I don’t care if the baby rubs her snot-nose all over me’ T-shirt.  I don’t wear my ‘I just rolled out of bed and threw my hair into an elastic’ hair.  Neither do I get myself into my ‘Sunday best.’   

I find that if I feel put-together, other people see me as a put-together mom.  And it’s a whole lot easier to talk to folks and steer the conversation toward the Lord, if I’m not berating myself in my head for not bothering to wash breakfast off of my face!

The same goes for the children.  Everyone needs to be presentable.  I certainly don’t dress them in trendy, designer clothes unless I found them at the thrift store :)  Sometimes the boys’ pants have holes in the knees (isn’t that trendy?), I don’t iron their clothes or shine their shoes, but the point is that we don’t look like we aren’t taking care of our children.  In case you’re wondering, I have allowed Sweetheart Girl to go to the store in dress up clothes.  That’s cute……right?

No, we aren’t always at our best, but, honestly, I can tell a difference in those trips- even if it’s just in the way I feel.  Quite frankly, if I feel a trip has gone horribly, then it has gone horribly!  And don’t we all know that the one time we go out looking sloppy is the time we see people we know?!

So let me encourage you fellow moms!  Don’t allow yourself to play the sloppy mom card!  Take the 5 minutes you need to make yourself presentable.  After all, we say that the Lord has given us our large family.  Some say that everyone should welcome many children into their own families.  Let’s not give them one more reason to disdain that thought.  Let’s show them that it can be done, and with joy!

Ready to be Grossed Out?

I love new moms! Hey, I used to be one!! Now, I wouldn't exactly call myself a veteran- after all, my oldest is only eight, and I know I've yet to experience a lot of things- however, six kids into it, I would say that I'm pretty experienced with the baby-preschool ages!

New moms take joy in every new moment of their babies' lives. From the first coo to the first steps, every accomplishment is AMAZING! And it is every new mom's right (not really, but you know what I mean) to take personal credit for what their babies can do! First-time moms spend every available moment they have teaching, nurturing, and encouraging their little babes to do the next 'thing,' achieve the next milestone. I think this is why firstborns are stereotypically 'ahead' of the averages. Moms, by sheer determination to see their children achieve, who have nothing else vying for their attentions, gently 'push' their little ones along. When you have the second, third, fourth, etc., guess what happens?!? You have less time to spend with that newborn!! I think that's when you learn to relax, enjoy, and savor each moment. Don't get me wrong here- I'm at baby number six, and I still think every accomplishment is AMAZING! If you're a mom of more than one, and those milestones are no big deal, I think you've lost the wonder of what it is to be a mom. Find it again!!!

All this to say, there is one fault that nearly every new mom has. In fact, a lot of moms share this same fault (I did...ahem...do?). It's the "I would never..." fault.

"I would never give my child candy for lunch."

"I would never lose my temper."

"I would never allow my child to leave the house wearing dress-up clothes."

And on and on they go...

I'm learning that the Bible gives clear instructions on raising children in the areas that have eternal importance. We are to raise them to know the Lord, to discipline the wayward child, to train them up in the way they should go (BTW, every child is different, so you must seek wisdom in this area), to provoke them to love and good works and not to anger...

Here are parenting issues NOT addressed in the Bible (aside from always doing what is best for your child- again, prayer is key in each of these areas):

Co-sleeping/family bed vs. cribs
Bottle feeding vs. breastfeeding- breastfeeding is best, of course, but still not a Biblical issue
Cloth vs. disposable diapers
Natural birth vs. hospital/medical interventions
The appropriate age to potty-train

And on and on they go...

Again, some of these choices are definitely preferred over the others, however there's no 'sin' involved in these issues. New mom's are notorious for the "I would never..." fault! Didn't we all have it all figured out when we had that first baby?! We read the books, the experts, and we knew what was, clearly, the only real choice!! But, guess what?! Life, and reality, happens! You find that what you thought was a big deal, really isn't. You find out that this battle isn't worth the effort. You find out that what worked for your genius firstborn, your second child couldn't care less about!

Here's my "I would never..." confession of the day:


"I would never sit a potty seat in front of the television in the living room!"

Seriously, that's gross!! I've always thought that was gross, and I still do!! However, the proof of my hypocrisy is right there...

I'm still not sure the twins are ready to potty train, but we're giving it a shot. They HATE the toilet and have screamed every time I've ever tried to put them on it. I bought these little potties several months ago ($4 at IKEA), and just brought them out today. Minion 1 (in orange) and Minion 2 (in brown) sat in the bathroom for while with the faucet running and full cups of water, but...nothing. However, since they were still willing to sit, I decided to try this out. Normally, the TV is not out in the living room, but we brought it out to watch a game last weekend, and it's still sitting there, so I've allowed the kids to watch more shows than usual.

The above blank and mindless stares are exactly why I don't like them to watch TV...

We'll see if my hypocrisy pays off!!

Chili Champion

Yesterday at church we had our 3rd Annual Soulwinning Kickoff/Chili Cookoff. It was a great Sunday with good attendance, especially from the Spanish ministry. The Spanish ministry is growing by leaps and bounds! The need is so great in our area- there are no fundamental Spanish works, and the two Southern Baptist Spanish works have recently shut down. Thank God for leading my husband and Pastor Eli to begin a Spanish work at our church!

Several new people signed up for soulwinning training, and we're excited to see more people involved in the Lord's work! The Soulwinning Kickoff is the main event, of course, but as a 'hook' (that sounds worse than it is!), we also have a Chili Cookoff. You know us Baptists have to bring food for everything!! We had 17 chilis entered this year (wow), and the winner of the coveted Golden Ladle.......... ......................drumroll, please................................

HERO!!!

He's soooooo humble about it, too! Okay, if you believed that, you don't know Hero very well. He really did make his own chili. All I did was lay out the ingredients, help him drain the beef, and stir the bottom of the pot. He even added 2 secret ingredients.....dare I tell?.....okay, I've been given permission to spill the chili beans (get it?).....brown sugar and cinnamon.

See the cute chili peppers on the apron? The apron will be passed on to next year's winner (assuming Hero doesn't win again- he's sure he will), but he will keep the ladle. The previous two winners have worn their ladles with pride! No, really, they've worn them as ties!!

Now that I've realized I have a gifted culinary artist in the house, I may never cook again....I'm sooooo disappointed. And if you believed that, you don't know me very well!

Good job, Hero!

What Is and Isn't Working

Well, it's been a while since I've posted anything new. Not because there's been nothing to report, but because we're still trying to figure out how the whole schoolwork, housework, family fun thing is going to balance out. And by the time I've finished the day, I either have felt too tired to put words to my thoughts, or I've felt like I can't possibly care about one more thing!

We took Labor Day off and went down to my parents' house, and while we certainly could have done some schoolwork this morning when we got home, I decided I just wasn't ready. It's really not a big deal because we're already 'ahead' by a couple weeks. So if you'll forgive my forthcoming ramblings, I'm going to line out what is and isn't working for us so far:

What IS working:

• Morning Preparations and Chores: Sweetheart Girl still needs some encouragement, but the older boys have it all down to a science. It's so refreshing to be able to skip the "get dressed," "brush your teeth," "clear the table," etc. mantra that was previously the norm.
  

• Awesome McAwesome’s video teacher for Language Arts: Not having to prepare every lesson for every subject has been a lifesaver for me. While he is watching a lesson, I can prepare his Arithmetic lesson, read with Hero, teach Sweetheart Girl her blends, or spend time with Minion 1 and Minion 2 in Tot School. (I didn't forget Twinkle- she's usually sleeping at this time.)

• Minion 1’s and Minion 2’s Tot School: Still have to post more on this, but basically I'm collecting manipulatives and 'learning' toys for them to occupy themselves when I'm busy. I also try to spend at least 15 solid minutes with each in purposeful learning. Minion 1 is getting pretty good with his colors- Minion 2’s not too interested in much thinking! Obviously, I'm going to have a different learning type there, but we'll get it figured out! BTW, Tot School toys are special, and only come out at school time.

• Science: Apologia's Astronomy is wonderful! The boys are really taking to it. Plus, there are so many activities, we're having a hard time doing them all (I know we don't have to, but they look fun!). Daddy-man is teaching this class, so it gives me time to focus on something else. Oh, who am I kidding?! I like to listen in, too!
  

What ISN'T working:

• An early starting time: While I love getting it all done early, I am just not a 'get up and go' person. I've tried, and some days are better than others, but as a whole, I'm finding I would rather take a little more time in the mornings to get myself ready (nevermind the diaper changes, clothes, and hair for the young ones!). We've tried doing school in the afternoon during the littles' naptime, but I also think that's too late for us, so...still working on that.

• Hero’s SOS Math: Okay, it's not so much that the curriculum is bad, but it's way too easy for Hero so we need to get something else. He will learn new things in his current level, but not enough that he couldn't learn it in the built-in 'review' weeks of the next level. Unfortunately, buying what I want isn't an option right now, so I need to decide if I need to just come up with my own math lessons in the meantime.

• Sweetheart Girl: Everything about her during school time isn't working!! She's ready for more than I had prepared for her, and she is not happy with not being able to do more! The Pre-K (or K4) stuff is just too easy, so while I didn't want to start K5 early, I may go ahead and do so 'unofficially.'

• History: Again, what we have is fine, but next year I will look for something that we can all do together. I'm on the hunt...

There may be more added to the lists as the year continues. After all, we are only a month in and have a long way to go! Maybe some of these will switch lists! I guess we'll see.

First Week of School

Well, our first week is over!  I’m more tired than I thought I would be, and we couldn’t even do all of our subjects this week!  I guess it will take some time to adjust to the ‘new normal.’

I feel like I have so much to say, but then again my brain can’t even put it all together!  Hero is really enjoying his classes that are on the computer, and in his eagerness, he’s already 2 weeks ahead!  Granted, most of it is all review, so it’s not very challenging yet.

McAwesome can’t start his Language Arts until next week, so we just focused on Math.  Again, it’s all review, so we did 10 lessons without a problem.  We could have done more, but…I decided to take it easy on him!

The boys loved their first Astronomy class with Daddy-man!  It’s fun to see what they each pick up on from the lessons, and I’m looking forward to going over their notebooks as they complete them over the year.  They even already had a chance for their first (failed) field trip!  The Perseid Meteor Shower took place last night (or was it this morning?- don’t ask me, I was asleep!).  Daddy-man woke up a little after midnight to check it out, but there wasn’t much to see so he didn’t wake the boys up for it.  They were disappointed, and I read this morning that the best of it happened just before dawn.  Oh, well…

Here are some pictures from the week:

Hero hard at work!

Sweetheart Girl had to have things to do, too!

Minion 1 playing with some magnets during blanket time

Minion 2 trying to be as close to off the blanket as he could! I’m on to you, Kid!

I guess I didn’t get any pics of McAwesome- Oops!  Classic second-born child syndrome!

Big Kitty, Little Kitties

We have kittens!  Okay, the stray cat that lives in our back yard has kittens.  Three, in fact.

We got home from our trip to Show Low Monday afternoon.  I asked Hero to let Putt-Putt in and get him some fresh water (poor dog stayed home all by himself!), and sure enough, he saw the kittens.


We went out to see them, and they were so cute!  They could not have been more than a couple hours old- if that many! 


Mama cat had made her bed on the towel bed I left for Putt-Putt, and 2 kittens were there.  One (the all-black one) was lying on the other side of the concrete porch.  We thought he was dead, but when Daddy-man picked him up, he was alive.  I'm not sure how it works, if Mama had rejected that one and kicked him out, but we put him back in the bed with his brothers/sisters.  So far, he's doing alright.


So what am I going to do with these kitties?!  I made a little bed in a box- I don't have the heart to get rid of them yet!  In 6-8 weeks, we'll try to find homes for them or take them to the shelter.  It's sooo tempting to keep one, but I do not want an outdoor cat, and I'm not willing to spend the cash on fixing and de-clawing to bring one in...


So in the meantime, I'm curious to see how things go with the kitties.  I'm hoping to do a little real-life learning with the kiddos, and I think this could be quite an experience for them!

SO CUTE!!!